The shoes go on eventually. But first there is a reminder, then another, then an adult finding the shoes, opening them and staying close until the job is done.
On a checklist, getting ready might look like something the child can manage. In the family's morning, it looks rather different.
When a parent asks whether their child is developing on track, I am interested in both pictures. What can the child do? And how much support is making that possible?
Milestone information can be helpful. It gives parents a way to notice development and raise questions. But the list is a starting point for understanding a child, not the whole account of how their day works.
The wider view
Step back far enough to see the range
It is easy to watch your own child closely in a group and see every moment they move away, reach for someone else's toy or need an adult to repeat an instruction.
I would sometimes ask a parent to step back and watch the group as well. At two and a half or three, what are the other children doing? How much help are the adults giving everyone? Is your child having a markedly different experience, or are you seeing some of the untidy business of young children learning to be together?
That wider view can be useful. So can noticing when your child continues to need substantial help with something that is becoming more manageable for their peers.
Neither observation is a diagnosis. Development has a range, and skills do not all arrive at once. Persistent concerns deserve a conversation with a child health professional, who can consider more than a single comparison or moment in a group.
The question is also what is changing for your child. Are they beginning to take part in a familiar routine in a new way? Is a skill emerging with support? Has something remained difficult despite time and opportunities to learn? These are useful details to bring to that conversation.
You do not need to be certain before asking. You also do not need to wait until there are concerns in several areas. A missed milestone, loss of a skill or another concern about development is a reason to speak with your GP or child and family health nurse.
The hidden help
Notice the work happening around the child
Some difficulties are obvious. Others are less visible because a parent has become very good at supporting them.
You may arrange the task in the right order, stay nearby, repeat the next step and step in before it becomes too frustrating. By the end, everyone has left the house. It can be hard to describe what was difficult because you dealt with each difficulty as it appeared.
This support is not evidence that you have done something wrong. It is information about what your child currently needs.
Take the shoes again. There is a difference between a child who cannot manage the fastening and a child who can put the shoes on once someone helps them begin. Both may need help, but not necessarily the same help. Describing the point where the routine gets stuck is more useful than deciding that the child should simply be more independent.
You do not have to withdraw support to prove that there is a problem. Tell the clinician what happens with your help, and what kind of help you are giving. An OT's role includes looking at everyday tasks and the changes or supports that make participation possible.
Your side of it
Your capacity belongs in this conversation
There is another question I think parents need permission to answer plainly: how manageable is this for you?
One family may have time to support a routine slowly. Another may be getting several children ready while trying to leave for work. The same amount of prompting can sit very differently in those two mornings.
When support is draining you, it is reasonable to ask for help. That does not diagnose a developmental difficulty, and it does not mean you care less about your child. It tells us that the current arrangement needs attention.
Equally, being willing and able to provide a great deal of help does not mean a developmental concern should be left unexplored. A parent can be coping well while their child would still benefit from assessment or support.
The aim is not to make a child do everything alone as quickly as possible. It is to understand what they are learning, what they can practise with help, and where an ongoing adaptation may be useful. Supported participation still counts.
Asking for help
Ask for a clearer picture, not a verdict
A GP, child and family health nurse or paediatrician can help review concerns and decide whether further assessment is needed. Depending on the difficulty, other professionals may contribute. You do not need to arrive knowing the diagnosis or which therapy your child needs.
A few ordinary examples can be more useful than a long list of worries. You might describe one routine, the part your child manages, the help you provide and whether that has changed over time. Include what they enjoy and do well. Those strengths belong in the picture without cancelling out the difficult parts.
Loss of skills needs particular attention. A child losing words, movement skills or other abilities they previously used should be discussed promptly with a health professional, rather than treated as something to wait out.
While you are seeking advice, you can keep the question small enough to be useful. Instead of trying to improve every area at once, choose a daily activity that matters to your family and ask what would make participation more manageable.
Perhaps your child needs help learning one part of getting dressed. Perhaps the task needs to be set up differently. The answer may include keeping some help in place rather than taking it away.
The shoes getting on is only part of the story. There is also the child learning how to manage them, the support they can rely on, and a parent who needs enough of themselves left for the rest of the day.